Let me get this straight. They’ve made a motion picture that shows the audience how to steal any car, no matter the protective devices, and in just seconds. In the words of “Saturday Night Live’s” Church Chat Lady, “Well, isn’t that special.” Now, just remember, all of you considering a life in crime, that this is just a movie. You shouldn’t really apply anything you are learning from this crime caper to actual life. That would be wrong. And although Touchstone Pictures and Nick Cage are showing you how to steal automobiles, which is their constitutional right as responsible entertainers (yeah, right), they will refuse to be held accountable for your nefarious actions. So, when you stand before the judge, about to do ten to twenty for grand theft auto, you will have to depend on your own lawyer. The studio will not be there to help defend you. They will have moved on to the production of movies about other amoral characters and other subjects once considered censorable. This film is going to make a lot of money. Cage is once again his likeable self, despite the fact that he profanes God’s name a couple of times and his character feels no remorse about abducting other people’s property. It’s loud, action-packed, and humorous, everything a young audience wants from a summer movie. Still, I can’t get past the subject matter. What could producers and studio heads be thinking? How can they supply lessons in How To Commit Felonies? What makes them depict immorality and anti-social behavior without consequences? And why would they glamorize such a profession? Could it be, well, I’ll have to once again leave it to Church Chat Lady, “Could it be, SATAN!”